Things I’m nervous about:
Getting fat and never bouncing back
Not being able to pole dance for 9 months
Being a bad mom - missing alone time
Feeling cramped in an NYC apt esp with children and hopefully a dog
Losing my sense of self in motherhood
Being scared the baby won’t love me or i won’t love it
Resenting Tommy
No idea what it will look like
Still jealous of people who could do it naturally and not spend their life savings
I’m starting a human and earthly life from scratch inside of me
It’s taken almost four years but we finally figured out how to start a new human life
I believe this spirit has been around us for a long, long time and after a year of letting go, refocusing, working with a manifestation and visualizing spiritual healer .... he/she has finally made their way to us. It’s been a long and difficult journey for us as well. But here we are!
I knew it. In my heart and what I manifested with certainty and trust. But I didn’t believe it. If that makes sense. The PTSD from 3 years of IVF and what it did to my central nervous system is ... something that deserves a lot of research.
Symptoms:
Nausea
Sore boobs
Emotional and moody
Bleeding
Cramps
Round ligament pain
Tired
Gas
Bloating
Weight gain
Shortness of breath
All I am is angry. Why? After all this? I’ve gain SO MUCH WEIGHT IN SO LITTLE TIME. Everywhere. My ass. My hips. My boobs. My arms. My belly. I don’t want to be seen. I feel like I’m disappearing. I used to love being seen. I was hot. Cute. Sexy. Interesting. Fun. Sassy. I feel like I’m losing all that bc I want to hide. I’m embarrassed AF to go out in public. It’s not just cute big boobs. Or a cute prego tummy. Lord when I get to that point of actually showing what the hell and i gonna look like then?? A balloon? Fat everywhere. Can I do anything? Will it just get worse? Will I be hot ever again? Feel comfortable in clothes? Fuck, just in public? I hate this. I’m supposed to love it. And I don’t.
Why am I on all these hormones? Is that the reason why all the weight gain? I hate this process. It reminds me of how unlucky I’ve been in doing this. Like if I could do it naturally and be drug free then probably I’d still a normal weight. No. I’m this. And I’m gross.
All I want are things I can’t have. Coffee in the morning or afternoon. A glass of wine to watch the sunset in Arizona or a cocktail after a long ass work day or with friends. A jacuzzi!!!! Lip plumps and botox.
God why am I the worst?!?!?!
Everything is going to be ok.
I’m great at keeping secrets. But I hate having to keep this one. They scare you so much in the first trimester. Will it stay? Will I be ok?